September 12, 2018
“Get out of its way, don't play games with it, it's a big one, maybe as big as they've seen, and tremendous amounts of water. It's tremendously big and tremendously wet, tremendous amounts of water. Bad things can happen when you are talking about a storm this size. It's called Mother Nature. You never know, but we know. We love you all, we want to play it safe. It’s like Mueller’s investigation. It’s tremendously big. You don’t sit down and talk—PERJURY TRAP! It’s like the midterms—VERY DANGEROUS. They will impeach me, and it’s all your fault!”
September 11, 2018
They Had No Electorate—Lemon Verbatim...
“I think that Puerto Rico was an incredible unsung success. Texas, we have been given A-pluses for. Florida, we’ve been given A-pluses for. I think in a certain way the best job we did was Puerto Rico, but nobody would understand that. It’s harder to understand. It was a very hard thing to do because of the fact they had no electric––before the storms hit, it was dead, as you probably know. So we’ve gotten a lot of receptivity, a lot of thanks for what we did in Puerto Rico.”
September 10, 2018
The Coast of Doing Business...
“To the incredible citizens of North Carolina, South Carolina and the entire East Coast - the storm looks very bad! Please take all necessary precautions. We have already began mobilizing our assets to respond accordingly, and we are here for you! The Trump organization already has much of our money hidden in offshore bank accounts! Told Don Junior to leave the country!”
September 9, 2018
Deep State of Affairs...
“Thank you To Chairman Kim. We will both prove everyone wrong! There is nothing like good dialogue from two people that like each other! Much better than the unelected, deep state operatives who defy the voters to push their own secret agendas from inside the White House! And all those lying women I slept with who can’t be trusted with non-disclosure agreements! It’s a very unfair thing, but it’s very unfair to our country and to the millions of people that voted really for us, who voted for Kim and me!”
September 8, 2018
Standup Guy—Lemon Verbatim...
“You know, it is pretty tough. I stand up here giving speeches for an hour and a half, many times without notes, and then they say ‘he's lost it,’ and yet we have 25,000 people showing up to speeches. And by the way, look at all the fake news back there.”
No’mous, No Fuss...
"But here's criticism where you can't fight back. 'Cause you have somebody doing it ano’mously. I fight back by calling people names—I make up names about them. I’m really the BEST at it. But it’s hard to come up with a name about amomonus—It’s hard to say the word.”
September 6, 2018
It Stands to Treason—Lemon Verbatim...
“Kim Jong Un of North Korea proclaims ‘unwavering faith in President Trump.’Thank you to Chairman Kim. We will get it done together!”
September 5, 2018
A Greased Hand...
“Almost everyone agrees that my Administration has done more in less than two years than any other Administration in the history of our Country. I’m tough as hell on people & if I weren’t, nothing would get done. Also, I question everybody & everything-which is why I got elected! I question every part of reality. Almost everyone says, ‘Is this real? This can’t be real!’“
September 4, 2018
All the President’s Memos...
“Hello, Bob, How are you? How are you doing? Okay? Well, I just spoke with Kellyanne and she asked me if I got a call. I never got a call. I never got a message. Who did you ask about speaking to me? Because I never got a message. They don’t tell me—they keep taking memos off my desk—taking away lots of paperwork so I don’t sign. Didn’t even know I was in bed with the Russians.”
September 3, 2018
Celebrating A Bore...
“Happy Labor Day! Our country is doing better than ever before with unemployment setting record lows and wages also down. The U.S. has tremendous upside potential for the wealth gap as we go about fixing the midterm elections—Great foreign investment in the US! Big progress being made up!"
September 2, 2018
The Great Dishonesty Borne by the President— Kenya Believe It?!
“I just cannot state strongly enough how totally dishonest much of the Media is. Truth doesn’t matter to them, they only have their hatred & agenda. This includes fake books, which come out about me all the time, always anonymous sources, and are pure fiction. Enemy of the People!”
September 1, 2018
The Mourning NAFTA...
“There is no political necessity to keep Canada in the new NAFTA deal. If we don’t make a fair deal for the U.S. after decades of abuse, Canada will be out. Congress should not interfere w/ these negotiations or I will simply terminate NAFTA entirely & we will be far better off. We can do a Great Trade Deal with North Korea, instead. Beautiful beaches, I can build a hotel there—much warmer than Canada. In the meantime, I would like to send my warmest regards and respect to chairman Kim.”