September 30, 2018
Jong Un at Heart—Lemon Verbatim...
"I was really being tough and so was he. And we were going back and forth, and then we fell in love. Okay? No really. He wrote me beautiful letters. They're great letters. We fell in love."
September 29, 2018
Coal Comfort—Lemon Verbatim...
“I get hugged backstage by miners, these guys are massive guys, they grab me.”
September 28, 2018
"The fake news said people laughed at President Trump. They didn't laugh at me. People had a good time with me. We were doing it together. We had a good time, they respect what I have done. When boys get together they laugh with each other. I’m on top of America. I heard a little rustle, and I said, ‘It’s true,’ and I heard smiles. They weren’t laughing at me. They were laughing with me.”
September 27, 2018
The Burden of Boof...
“Judge Kavanaugh showed America exactly why I nominated him. His testimony was powerful, hysterical, and riveting. Democrats’ search and destroy strategy is disgraceful and this process has been a total sham and effort to delay, obstruct, and resist this serial lying, angry drunken, sexual predator to be my very own Roy Cohn on the Supreme Court! The Senate must vote!”
September 26, 2018
The Charges Escalate...
“When the Federalist Society sends its people, they’re not sending their best. They’re sending people that have lots of problems. They’re bringing drugs. They’re bringing crime. They’re rapists. And some, I assume, are good people.”
September 25, 2018
Falls from his Purchase—Lemon Verbatim...
“The Democrats are working hard to destroy a wonderful man, and a man who has the potential to be one of our greatest Supreme Court Justices ever, with an array of False Acquisitions the likes of which have never been seen before!”
September 24, 2018
The Stories Snowball...
“There is a chance this could be one of the single most unfair, unjust things to happen to a candidate for anything. But I am with Judge Kavanaugh and I look forward to a vote. It’s a Snowball’s Chance in Hell so I think I’m safe with this lying rapist. He will do a great job in defending me!”
September 23, 2018
Bullshit in the China Shop...
“China is now paying us billions of dollars in tariffs, and hopefully we’ll be able to work something out. It’s not clear that I know how anything works or if I just like to have things come out of my mouth, but really US businesses and consumers pay for the tariffs.”
September 22, 2018
Missouri Loves Company...
“Our country is respected again, remember that. Respected again. Hello Missouri. I’m thrilled to be back in the American heartland, I love you people – thousands of hardworking idiots. This is an incredible time for our nation. We have the best economy in our history today. In fact, the stock market, which to me is jobs, Stockbrokers and Hedge Fund Managers, the stock market hit an all-time high again. And there was no way that Donald Trump can get to 270 except we had one problem, we printed a lot of money and gave it to the wealthy and big corporations. We printed a lot of money that for many years during the great recession Republicans said no. And that would mean that 101 days, we hit an all-time high in the stock market. And I don’t say me, I say we because it’s about we, everyone who had a lot of money has a lot more money, but we were able to keep wages down, so the the stock market hit an all time high.”
September 21, 2018
“Judge Brett Kavanaugh is a fine man, with an impeccable reputation, who is under assault by radical left wing politicians who don’t want to know the answers, they just want to destroy and delay. Facts don’t matter. I go through this with them every single day in D.C.. People inside the White House pin me down and try to stop me from speaking! They remove things for me to sign from my desk. They agreed to release me, but stated that so doing may have a perceived negative impact on the Russia probe. Also, key Allies’ called to ask I not be released.”
September 20, 2018
Pro Se and Conflicted—Lemon Verbatim...
“And if you think about it, I’ve been under investigation, even though they say I’m not under investigation and I’m not a target. You do know I’m not a target and I’m not under investigation. But, this has been going on from seven months prior to the election. And then you had, the appointment of Mueller, who’s highly conflicted. Highly conflicted.”
September 19, 2018
Wetter Safe Than Sorry—Lemon Verbatim...
“This is a tough hurricane, one of the wettest we’ve ever seen from the standpoint of water. Rarely have we had an experience like it, and it certainly is not good.“
September 18, 2018
Hung by a Thread...
“And the things that have been found over the last couple of weeks about text messages back and forth are a disgrace to our nation. And I want transparency, and so does everybody else. As you know, congressional committees came to me and they told me to wear these new clothes that are spun from the BEST THREAD—it’s stealth thread so you can’t even see it! Very Distracting! And I did it based on their request. But I think it’s a good thing, because we should open it up for people to see what Stormy saw.”
September 17, 2018
FBI on the Same Page...
“‘Lisa Page Testimony- NO EVIDENCE OF COLLUSION BEFORE MUELLER APPOINTMENT.’ Therefore, the case should never have been allowed to be brought. Should always assume guilt before investigating—otherwise it is a totally illegal Witch Hunt! Immediately after Comey’s firing Peter Strzok texted to his lover, Lisa Page ‘We need to Open the case we’ve been waiting on now while Andy (McCabe, also fired) is acting. Page answered, ‘We need to lock in (redacted). In a formal chargeable way. Soon.’ Wow, a conspiracy caught? Can’t believe FBI agents would actually work together. In my White House everyone works against each other—NO COLLUSION!”
September 16, 2018
“When will Republican leadership learn that they are being played like a fiddle by the Democrats on Border Security and Building the Wall? Without Borders, we don’t have a country. With Open Borders, which the Democrats want, we have nothing but crime! Finish the Wall! We need the WALL to be HIGH enough to keep in all the FLIPPERS! Nothing but crime! Too OPEN! They’re saying too much to highly conflicted Bob Mueller & the 17 Angry Democrats! Need Kavanagh to turn up the Rock ‘n’ roll!”
September 15, 2018
Depending on a Naked Racial Set-Aside—Lemon Verbatim...
“Over many months it went to 64 PEOPLE. Then, like magic, ‘3000 PEOPLE KILLED.’ They hired GWU Research to tell them how many people had died in Puerto Rico (how would they not know this?). This method was never done with previous hurricanes because other jurisdictions know how many people were killed. FIFTY TIMES LAST ORIGINAL NUMBER - NO WAY!”
September 14, 2018
Everyone to Man the Fort...
“Incredible job being done by FEMA, First Responders, Law Enforcement, Special Counsel and all. Thank you!”
September 13, 2018 Love Them to Death...
“3000 people did not die in the two hurricanes that hit Puerto Rico. When I left the Island, AFTER the storm had hit, they had anywhere from 6 to 18 deaths. As time went by it did not go up by much because it was very dark on the island with no electric and we did not notice when people died. Then, a long time later, they started to report really large numbers, like 3000. This was done by the Democrats in order to make me look as bad as possible when I was successfully raising Billions of Dollars and now funneling money from FEMA to private prisons for immigrant families. If a person died for any reason, like old age, just add them onto the list. It’s not my responsibility that old and sick people had no way to access food or medicine—they didn’t vote for me. Bad politics. I love Puerto Rico!”
September 12, 2018
“Get out of its way, don't play games with it, it's a big one, maybe as big as they've seen, and tremendous amounts of water. It's tremendously big and tremendously wet, tremendous amounts of water. Bad things can happen when you are talking about a storm this size. It's called Mother Nature. You never know, but we know. We love you all, we want to play it safe. It’s like Mueller’s investigation. It’s tremendously big. You don’t sit down and talk—PERJURY TRAP! It’s like the midterms—VERY DANGEROUS. They will impeach me, and it’s all your fault!”
September 11, 2018
They Had No Electorate—Lemon Verbatim...
“I think that Puerto Rico was an incredible unsung success. Texas, we have been given A-pluses for. Florida, we’ve been given A-pluses for. I think in a certain way the best job we did was Puerto Rico, but nobody would understand that. It’s harder to understand. It was a very hard thing to do because of the fact they had no electric––before the storms hit, it was dead, as you probably know. So we’ve gotten a lot of receptivity, a lot of thanks for what we did in Puerto Rico.”
September 10, 2018
The Coast of Doing Business...
“To the incredible citizens of North Carolina, South Carolina and the entire East Coast - the storm looks very bad! Please take all necessary precautions. We have already began mobilizing our assets to respond accordingly, and we are here for you! The Trump organization already has much of our money hidden in offshore bank accounts! Told Don Junior to leave the country!”
September 9, 2018
Deep State of Affairs...
“Thank you To Chairman Kim. We will both prove everyone wrong! There is nothing like good dialogue from two people that like each other! Much better than the unelected, deep state operatives who defy the voters to push their own secret agendas from inside the White House! And all those lying women I slept with who can’t be trusted with non-disclosure agreements! It’s a very unfair thing, but it’s very unfair to our country and to the millions of people that voted really for us, who voted for Kim and me!”
September 8, 2018
Standup Guy—Lemon Verbatim...
“You know, it is pretty tough. I stand up here giving speeches for an hour and a half, many times without notes, and then they say ‘he's lost it,’ and yet we have 25,000 people showing up to speeches. And by the way, look at all the fake news back there.”
No’mous, No Fuss...
"But here's criticism where you can't fight back. 'Cause you have somebody doing it ano’mously. I fight back by calling people names—I make up names about them. I’m really the BEST at it. But it’s hard to come up with a name about amomonus—It’s hard to say the word.”
September 6, 2018
It Stands to Treason—Lemon Verbatim...
“Kim Jong Un of North Korea proclaims ‘unwavering faith in President Trump.’Thank you to Chairman Kim. We will get it done together!”
September 5, 2018
A Greased Hand...
“Almost everyone agrees that my Administration has done more in less than two years than any other Administration in the history of our Country. I’m tough as hell on people & if I weren’t, nothing would get done. Also, I question everybody & everything-which is why I got elected! I question every part of reality. Almost everyone says, ‘Is this real? This can’t be real!’“
September 4, 2018
All the President’s Memos...
“Hello, Bob, How are you? How are you doing? Okay? Well, I just spoke with Kellyanne and she asked me if I got a call. I never got a call. I never got a message. Who did you ask about speaking to me? Because I never got a message. They don’t tell me—they keep taking memos off my desk—taking away lots of paperwork so I don’t sign. Didn’t even know I was in bed with the Russians.”
September 3, 2018
Celebrating A Bore...
“Happy Labor Day! Our country is doing better than ever before with unemployment setting record lows and wages also down. The U.S. has tremendous upside potential for the wealth gap as we go about fixing the midterm elections—Great foreign investment in the US! Big progress being made up!"
September 2, 2018
The Great Dishonesty Borne by the President— Kenya Believe It?!
“I just cannot state strongly enough how totally dishonest much of the Media is. Truth doesn’t matter to them, they only have their hatred & agenda. This includes fake books, which come out about me all the time, always anonymous sources, and are pure fiction. Enemy of the People!”
September 1, 2018
The Mourning NAFTA...
“There is no political necessity to keep Canada in the new NAFTA deal. If we don’t make a fair deal for the U.S. after decades of abuse, Canada will be out. Congress should not interfere w/ these negotiations or I will simply terminate NAFTA entirely & we will be far better off. We can do a Great Trade Deal with North Korea, instead. Beautiful beaches, I can build a hotel there—much warmer than Canada. In the meantime, I would like to send my warmest regards and respect to chairman Kim.”