8.31.17
When You're a Lone Star...
"After witnessing first hand the horror & devastation caused by Hurricane Harvey, my heart goes out even more so to the great people of Texas! It was totally horrible talking to state and local officials! Very devastating trying to show empathy! CAN NOT DO IT! Couldn't wait to get out of the great state of Texas!"
#LemonLaw
8.30.17
Showboat Diplomacy...
"The U.S. has been talking to North Korea, and paying them extortion money, for 25 years. Talking is not the answer! From now on, it's just going to be tweeting and campaign rallies!"
#LemonLaw
8.29.17
Lemon Verbatim Stirs the Plot...
“What a crowd, what a turnout.”
#LemonLaw
8.28.17
Lemon Verbatim and Another Fine Finnish...
"In the middle of a hurricane, even though it was a Friday evening, I assumed the ratings would be far higher than they would be normally, you know the hurricane was just starting, and I put it out that I had pardoned, as we call, as we say, Sheriff Joe."
#LemonLaw
8.27.17
We'll Always Have Paris – Lemon Verbatim...
"Wow - Now experts are calling Harvey a once in 500 year flood! We have an all out effort going, and going well!"
#LemonVerbatim
8.26.17
Après Arpaio, le Déluge...
"I am pleased to inform you that I have just granted a full Pardon to 85 year old American patriot Sheriff Joe Arpaio. He kept Arizona safe for all sadist, racist law officials! Wonderful coordination! We are working together to stop judges from making law-enforcement uphold your constitutional rights. Working hard to pardon other government officials before they're even indicted!"
#LemonLaw
8.25.17
A Hard Reign's A-Gonna Fall...
"Good luck to everybody. They're going to be safe. Good luck to everybody. Good luck. We're looking into what we can do to lift the cloud."
#LemonLaw
8.24.17
The Strange Case of Donald Heckle and Misguide...
"The Fake News is now complaining about my different types of back to back speeches. Well, there was Afghanistan (somber), the big Rally (crazy) and the American Legion - V.A. (respectful and strong), Tweets (more crazy). Too bad the Dems have no one who can change tones between reading words from a teleprompter and talking without any guide!"
#LemonLaw
8.23.17
Lemon Verbatim–Crazy Like the Fox and Friends...
“Washington is full of people who were only looking out for themselves. But I do not come to Washington for me. I have led a great life. I’ve had great success. I have enjoyed my life. Most people think I’m crazy to have done this. And I think they’re right. But I enjoy it. Because we made so much. I do not believe that any president — I don’t believe that any president has accomplished as much as this president in the first six or seven months. I really do not believe it, including — I really do not believe it.”
“By the way, I’m just curious. Do the people in this room like Sheriff Joe? So, was Sheriff Joe convicted for doing his job? He should have had a jury, but you know what? I’ll make a prediction. I think he is just going to be fine. Okay? But — I won’t not do it tonight because I don’t want to cause any controversy. Is that okay? All right? But Sheriff Joe can feel good.”
“We’ve ended the war on beautiful, clean coal. And it’s just been announced that a second brand-new coal mine where they’re going to take out clean coal — meaning they’re taking out coal, they’re going to clean it — is opening in the state of Pennsylvania.”
“We are Americans and the future belongs to us. The future belongs to all of you. This is our moment. This is our chance. This is our opportunity to recapture our dynasty like never before.”
#LemonLaw
8.22.17
Dead Reckoning...
"Our troops will fight to win. We will fight to win. From now on, victory will have a clear definition. Victory will mean winning. We’re going to win so much, you’re going to be so sick and tired of winning, you’re going to come to me and go ‘Please, please, we can’t win anymore.’ You’ve heard this one. You’ll say ‘Please, Mr. President, we beg you sir, we don’t want to win anymore. It’s too much."
#LemonLaw
8.21.17
Blind Trust...
"Thank you, the very dishonest Fake News Media is out of control!
I can look right into the sun! And when you're a star, they let you do it."
#LemonLaw
8.20.17
Enough in Commons...
"I want to applaud the many protestors on many, many sides in Boston who are speaking out against bigotry and hate and those who are speaking out against bigotry and hate of bigotry and hate. Our country will soon come together as one! Soon, everyone will have had more than they can take of this! MAGA!"
#LemonLaw
8.19.17
The Tell Wags the Dog – Lemon Verbatim...
"Our great country has been divided for decade,but it will come together again.Sometimes protest is needed in order to heel,and heel we will!"
#LemonLaw
8.18.17
General Purging...
"Study what General Pershing of the United States did to terrorists when caught. There was no more Radical Islamic Terror for 35 years!
Homeland Security and law enforcement are on alert & closely watching for any sign of trouble. Our borders are far tougher than ever before!
Bannon and I have mutually agreed to fire Bannon. He has successfully completed his job dipping bullets in pig's blood."
#LemonLaw
8.17.17
Statues of Limitations...
"Sad to see the history and culture of our great country being ripped apart with the removal of our beautiful statues and monuments. You can't change history, but you can learn from it. Robert E Lee, Stonewall Jackson - who's next, Washington, Jefferson? So foolish! Also the beauty that is being taken out of our cities, towns and parks will be greatly missed and never able to be comparably replaced! We should bring back segregated water-fountains so people can enjoy our history today!"
#LemonLaw
8.16.17
Lemon Verbatim Plays Facts and Lose...
"I wanted to make sure — unlike most politicians, that what I said was correct. Not make a quick statement. The statement I made on Saturday, the first statement, was a fine statement. But you don't make statements that direct unless you know the fact. It takes a little while to get the facts. You still don't know the facts, and it's a very, very important process to me, and it's a very important statement, so I don't want to go quickly and just make a statement for the sake of making a political statement. I want to know the facts. If you go back to — I brought it. I brought it. I brought it. As I said — remember this, Saturday — we condemn in the strongest possible terms this egregious display of hatred, bigotry and violence. It has no place in America, and then I went on from there. Now, here's the thing. Excuse me, excuse me. Take it nice and easy. Here's the thing. When I make a statement, I like to be correct. I want the facts. This event just happened. In fact, a lot of the event didn't even happen yet, as we were speaking. This event just happened. Before I make a statement, I need the facts, so I don't want to rush into a statement."
8.15.17
Nothing Beats A Hasty Retweet–Lemon Verbatim...
"FOX NEWS EXCLUSIVE: President Trump 'seriously considering' a pardon for ex-Sheriff Joe Arpaio
–He's a fascist, so not unusual."
#LemonVerbatim
8.14.17
Generally Speaking...
"Racism is evil and those who cause violence in its name are criminals and thugs, including KKK, neo-Nazis, white supremacists, and other hate groups are repugnant to everything we hold dear as Americans. And I want to say, in the strongest possible terms, General Kelly made me say this"
#LemonLaw
8.13.17
Lemon Verbatim Gloms Beautiful, You Can Do Anything...
"Don't worry about a thing and they should have had me eight years ago, or at least somebody with my thought process. And frankly, you could have said that for the last three presidents. But you're going to be taken care of. Eddie, let me tell you, I have to tell you, you have become extremely famous all over the world. They are talking about Guam; and they’re talking about you. And your tourism, I can say this, your tourism is going to go up like tenfold with the expenditure of no money, so I congratulate you. It's such a big story in the news, it just looks like a beautiful place. So beautiful."
#LemonLaw
8.12.17
Torching Liberty...
"We condemn in the strongest possible terms this egregious display of hatred, bigotry and violence on many sides, on many sides. First we have the side of the white supremacists who hate that liberals and others took away their country. Then you have the side of the liberals and others who are bigoted against the oppressed white people. And what a day! People said there was no path to victory, but there was a path. The division must stop, and must stop right now. We have to come together as Americans with love for our nation and true affection–really, I say this so strongly, true affection for each other. And I'm not ruling out military intervention. What is vital now is a swift restoration of law and order and the protection of innocent lives. And I am innocent–I didn't do anything wrong. They should be investigating the millions and millions who didn't vote for me."
#LemonLaw
8.11.17
To Whit...
"I'm very thankful that he let go of a large number of people because now we have a smaller payroll. There's no real reason for them to go back.–It turns out that I was being sarcastic. It's very hard to tell. It's like the road is about a quarter of an inch wide."
#LemonLaw
8.10.17
F-Bombs...
"Maybe it wasn't tough enough on North Korea. I should have said more than 'fire, fury, and frankly power'. Maybe I should have said words like 'fierce' and 'ferocious'! I was trying to imply that I was going to drop many, many bombs–maybe nuclear bombs–on them, but I don't think they got it because they threatened me back right away. North Korea better get their act together or they're gonna be in TROUBLE like few nations have ever been in trouble in this world. I may even threaten them more while I'm out playing golf"
#LemonLaw
8.9.17
A Lift for Flagging Approval...
"Hopefully we will never have to use this power, but there will never be a time that we are not the most powerful nation in the world! And now, because I am in power, we're in the running to be the most unpredictable–the most not in our right minds! Thank you."
#LemonLaw
8.8.17
Revision Is the Opioid of the Masses…
"He has been very threatening beyond a normal state. They will be met with fire, fury and frankly power the likes of which this world has never seen before. If Mueller keeps threatening to investigate my business with Russian mobsters, he will be met with such a nuclear Reichstag Fire on the other side of the world!"
#LemonLaw
8.7.17
Tired of Winning...
"The Fake News refuses to report the success of the first 6 months:
Signed the veto-proof Russian sanctions bill so no more Vlad-handing, SP Mueller empaneled a grand jury on the Russian probe and may even help me release my tax returns, Grand jury subpoenas issued in connection with the Don Jr. and Russian meeting on 'adoptions' which may help me to remember it–there were so many meetings with Russians, Disapproval at all time low of 33% according to Quinnipiac poll–still well above Nixon when he resigned, Senate blocking potential recess appointments by having pro forma sessions in August so I don't have to figure out hiring anybody, Bipartisan bill moving in Congress to prevent me from firing Mueller without judicial review so I won't have to fire Sessions who's unbelievably loyal and totally racist even after I was very, very mean to him, Senate Republicans dropped Trumpcare and now I don't have to sign a bill that would kill lots and lots–so many people just because I hold a grudge against Obama after he made fun of me at that correspondents dinner."
#LemonLaw
8.6.17
Bed Minister...
"Working in Bedminster, N.J., as long planned construction is being done at the White House–a real dump! We're putting in a new heating system with beautiful, clean coal. This is not a vacation–meetings and calls, tweets and popping in on weddings! This is real work, promoting my brand!"
#LemonLaw
8.5.17
Lemon Campaign-Verbatim Heads for the Sand...
"I'm going to be working for you, I'm not going to have time to go play golf."
#LemonLaw
8.3.17
In the Drink: Straight Lemon Answers the Call That Was Not...
“There was no mix there. That was a standing ovation from the time I walked out to the time I left, and for five minutes after I had already gone. There was no mix. And I got a call from the head of the Boy Scouts saying it was the greatest speech that was ever made to them, and they were very thankful. So there was — there was no mix.”
#LemonLaw
8.2.17
Closer to the Closer...
"By limiting the Executive’s flexibility, this bill makes it harder for the United States to strike good deals for the American people. I built a truly great company worth many billions of dollars. That is a big part of the reason I was elected. As President, I can make far better deals with foreign countries than Congress.–You know, I put out a letter from a very – from the biggest law firm saying Trump has no involvement with Russia. I don’t. I have no involvement. I mean, I had Ms. Universe there, like, nine years ago, eight years ago, something like that. But I have nothing to do with Russia. And I said from the podium on Friday that’s there’s nothing to the Russia story. I said on the weekend there was nothing to the Russia story. Well, they tried — they tried it with me. She spent hundreds of millions of dollars on negative ads. She didn’t do a positive ad, virtually. And she lost easily, you know, 306 to 223 I think, right – 223, something like that. But when Russia offered to help me win the election, and they did it because I owe them lots and lots of money, so I didn't need to collude with them. But they thought I could lift the sanctions and that worked out very, very bad for them."
#LemonLaw
8.1.17
Lemon Verbatim and the 110 Million Trump Enemies...
"Only the Fake News Media and Trump enemies want me to stop using Social Media (110 million people). Only way for me to get the truth out!"
#LemonLaw
7.31.17
Double, double toil and trouble;
Fire bums, stock market bubble.
Flipping Flynn for Lordy sake,
In Mueller's stock, the Russian tapes;
Reince is out– in war of fog,
Mooch, you bet, with tongue of dog,
He licks his cork and winers sing.
Sessions begs in West Witch Wing,
For a charm of powerful trouble,
Like a hell-broth boil and bubble.
Double, double toil and trouble;
Fire bums, stock market bubble.
Cool it with a Bannon's blood,
Then the charm is firm and good...
"A great day at the White House!"
#LemonLaw
7.30.17
As A General Rule…
"China could easily solve this problem! They have a large military and strong rule. That's why I am bringing General Kelly from Homeland Security to fight the war in the White House. Republicans in the Senate will NEVER win as long as I am president. They look like fools and are just wasting time. The World is watching: Repeal & Replace...and go to 51 votes (nuke option), get Cross State Lines & more."
#LemonLaw
7.29.17
Growing a Customs...
“Can you believe that I’m saying that? I’m talking about liberating our towns. Like you’d see in a movie. They’re liberating the town. Like in the old Wild West, right? Getting rid of INDIANS. We’re liberating our towns. I never thought I’d be standing up here talking about liberating towns on Long Island where I grew up. But that’s what you’re doing. It used to be so WHITE around here. And all we're the asking for is a little PROTECTION MONEY. A little money so we can hire like 10,000 more Immigration and Customs Enforcement agents to crack some more ILLEGALS on the head. Now, we’re getting them out anyway, but we’d like to get them out a lot faster. And when you see these towns, and when you see these thugs being thrown into the back of a paddy wagon, you just see them thrown in, rough — I said, ‘Please don’t be too nice.’"
#LemonLaw
7.28.17
Lemon Verbatim and His Fine-Tuned Machine...
"Go Republican Senators, Go! Get there after waiting for 7 years. Give America great healthcare!"
#LemonLaw
7.27.17
Separation of Truth and Psychotic State...
"IN AMERICA WE DON'T WORSHIP GOVERNMENT - WE WORSHIP GOD! And I think I'm God! Well, I don't think I'm God. But I am, in many, many ways better than God!"
#LemonLaw
7.26.17
Lemon Verbatim Stands on Principal...
"As the Scout Law says: 'A Scout is trustworthy, loyal' -- we could use some more loyalty, I will tell you that...In the Scout Oath, you pledge on your honor to do your best and to do your duty to God and your country. And by the way, under the Trump administration, you’ll be saying ‘Merry Christmas’ again when you go shopping. Believe me. Merry Christmas."
7.25.17
A Swift and Modest Vote...
"Big day for HealthCare. After 7 years of talking, we will soon see whether or not Republicans are willing to step up to the plate! On the plate are TRUMP STAKES! A second lunch on the HOUSE while we starve Medicare and the healthcare system. It's a mean bill and people will die, but we only need 50 votes!"
#LemonLaw
7.24.17
Lemon Verbatim Delivers on a Tweet Storm...
"As the phony Russian Witch Hunt continues, two groups are laughing at this excuse for a lost election taking hold, Democrats and Russians!"
"It's very sad that Republicans, even some that were carried over the line on my back, do very little to protect their President."
"It's hard to read the Failing New York Times or the Amazon Washington Post because every story/opinion, even if should be positive, is bad!"
"If Republicans don't Repeal and Replace the disastrous ObamaCare, the repercussions will be far greater than any of them understand!"
#LemonLaw
7.23.17
Lemon Verbatim Negotiates New Paris Agreement...
"I mean, really. He’s a very good person. And a tough guy, but look, he has to be. I think he is going to be a terrific president of France. But he does love holding my hand."
"We had dinner at the Eiffel Tower, and the bottom of the Eiffel Tower looked like they could have never had a bigger celebration ever in the history of the Eiffel Tower. I mean, there were thousands and thousands of people, ’cause they heard we were having dinner."
#LemonLaw
7.22.17
Fording the River of Leaks...
"This morning I will be going to the Commissioning Ceremony for the largest aircraft carrier in the world, The Gerald R. Ford. In honor of the Gerald R. Ford, I will give the biggest pardon in the world! I will pardon everyone around me– PARDON, PARDON, PARDON! I will give MYSELF the biggest PARDON! A Self Pardon! First time in the world! While all agree the U. S. President has the complete power to pardon, the only crime so far is LEAKS in my ship. Without the LEAKS, you wouldn't see any crime! Plus, the statute of limitations has run out."