Jan 31, 2018
The State of the Union Is Long— First Pill…
“Over the last year, we have made incredible, incredible progress that really cannot be believed. To everyone still recovering–we are with you, we love you, and we will pull through together. Since we passed tax cuts, roughly 3 million workers have already gotten tax cut bonuses which reminds us why we proudly stand for the national anthem and Corporate America. We have eliminated more regulations in our first year than any administration in history. We are eliminating clean air, clean water, and the environment. We have ended the war on American Energy–and we have ended the war on clean coal! Merry Christmas!”
Jan 30, 2018
Tonight’s State of the Uniom Address Brought to You by the Corruption of Public Broadcasting and Viewers Like You...
“Make a special State of the Union contribution to have your name broadcast on the Official Donald J. Trump for President livestream.
It’s not about just one of us, It’s about ALL of us. Which is why your name deserves to be displayed during Tuesday night’s speech."
Jan 29, 2018
Lemon Verbatim Knowledge Cap and Trade with Polar Opposite...
“There is a cooling and there’s a heating—I mean, look, it used to not be climate change. It used to be global warming. That wasn't working too well because it was getting too cold all over the place. The ice caps were going to melt. They were going to be gone by now, but now they're setting records, okay? They're at a record level.”
Jan 28, 2018
The Broader Problem...
“We’re going to solve the DACA problem. But we also want to solve a tremendous problem on the southern border, which is crime. We need a wall, we need the drugs to stop flowing in. They are coming in like ... well, they’re coming in less now than they were because we have a very strong — we have great Border Patrol agents, great ICE — acting like the Gestapo. And we have an opioid epidemic caused by drug companies so really we have our own drugs. And we have school shootings, 11 already since the beginning of the year and lots of domestic abuse so people don’t really want to come here so much. And you see what’s happening at the border, it’s much better.”
Jan 27, 2018
The Champion of Women...
“No, I wouldn’t say I'm a feminist. I mean, I think that would be, maybe, going too far. I'm for women, I'm for men, I’m for everyone. I’m not for sharks. As I was saying to Stormy Daniels—who is a fantastic woman whom I am for—I don’t know her, but I said to her, I would never give to a shark charity.”
Jan 26, 2018
I’m OK, You’re UK...
"If you are telling me they're horrible people, horrible, racist people, I would certainly apologize if you'd like me to do that. I really thought they were nice, racist people. In America we have some nice, racist people. But I will apologize as soon as they finish my audit. Actually, I’m looking forward to apologizing.”
Jan 25, 17
Off the Wall...
“Well, I’m gonna build it way under budget, but we're putting down $25 billion for the wall, but we will build it way under--and by the way, just so you understand, and you've known this, Chief, 'cause you've seen it for a long time, and everyone here--when you have a mountain, you don't build a wall, OK? And I've said that from the beginning. Now I don't define it every time I make a speech, you know, 'when you have a mountain, you don't build a wall'--when you have a river that is un-crossable, that you cannot cross, you don't build a wall, OK? When you have mud, lots and lots of mud, mud that people don’t want to go through, you don’t build a wall. OK? When you have a forest and it’s a really dark forest, a dark and dense forest, you don’t build a wall. When you have an ocean and the ocean has sharks in it, you don’t build a wall? So, and when you have certain areas that are rough--I'll be very nice when I say that--but certain areas that are rough, you don't build a wall.”
Jan 24, 2017
Rising to the Occasion–Not One to Take It Lying Down…
“You fight back, oh, it’s obstruction—Here’s the story, just so you understand, there’s been no collusion whatsoever. There’s been no obstruction whatsoever, and I’m looking forward to it. Remember, it’s not really perjury if it seems like I am totally unmoored from reality.”
Jan 23, 2018
Chucking Chum Overboard...
“Nobody knows for sure that the Republicans & Democrats will be able to reach a deal on DACA by February 8, but everyone will be trying....with a big additional focus put on Military Strength and Border with sharks pouring into the country and doing lots and lots of drugs. The Dems have just learned that a Shutdown is not the answer! They are not smart enough to ask for gun control–real problem with violence in the country! They always ask for too little and then compromise!”
Jan 22, 2018
New, Clear Option...
“Great to see how hard Republicans are fighting for our Military and Safety at the Border. The Dems just want SHARKS to pour into our nation unchecked. If stalemate continues, Republicans should go to 51% (Nuclear Option) and Get a really BIG button on their desk like mine.”
Jan 21, 2018
Shark Week on Border...
“Democrats are holding our Military hostage over their desire to haveu unchecked illegal immigration. Must STOP the massive flow of SHARKS into our country. Sharks kill people! Can’t let that happen!”
Jan 20, 2018
Lemon Verbatim in Review–
All Present and Accounted For...
“This is the One Year Anniversary of my Presidency and the Democrats wanted to give me a nice present.“
Jan 19, 2018
Affair Weather Friend...
“Shutting down the government is a very serious thing. People die, accidents happen. I was watching a special about the U.S.S. something and it sank and it was like the worst shark attack in history. I donate to all these charities and I would never donate to any charity that helps sharks. I hope all the sharks die.’
Jan 18, 2018
All’s Well That Ends Wall...
“The Wall is the Wall, it has never changed or evolved from the first day I conceived of it. Parts will be, of necessity, see through. But I have not changed or evolved!”
Jan 17, 2018
Lemon Verbatim Self Dealing...
“The Fake News Awards, those going to the most corrupt & biased of the Mainstream Media, will be presented to the losers on Wednesday, January 17th, rather than this coming Monday. The interest in, and importance of, these awards is far greater than anyone could have anticipated!“
Jan 16, 2018
Medical Exam: Fits for Duty
“So much Fake News is being reported. I don’t have dementia! It’s my PERSONALITY!”
Jan 15, 2018
Lemon Verbatim Rewhiting History...
“I am not a racist. I'm the least racist person you have ever interviewed. That I can tell you.”
Jan 14, 2018
Lemon Verbatim’s Responses to Hawaii Miss Isle...
“So much Fake News is being reported. They don’t even try to get it right, or correct it when they are wrong. They promote the Fake Book of a mentally deranged author, who knowingly writes false information. The Mainstream Media is crazed that WE won the election!”
Jan 13, 2018
Lemon Verbatim’s Medical Exam Went Exceptionally Well – No Intentional Obstruction…
“Of course there was no obstruction—excuse me. Of course there was no obstruction. But there was no crime. So now they’re saying, could there be—now, I haven’t even heard that they’re looking at obstruct—I don’t know that they’re looking at obstruction.”
Interview May Come to a Holt...
“We will see what happens. I mean, certainly, I will see what happens, but when they have no collusion and nobody's found any collusion at any level, it seems unlikely that you would even have an interview. But if there was an interview, I would probably say many, many incriminating things. You wouldn’t believe the shit that comes out of my mouth. But believe me, I don’t know what’s going on so really there’s no collusion. You have no collusion.”
Jan 11, 2018
Lemon Verbatim and His Base Instinct – Bigot League...
“Why do we want all these people from 'shithole countries' coming”
Jan 10, 2018
“The fact that Sneaky Dianne Feinstein, who has on numerous occasions stated that collusion between Trump/Russia has not been found, would release testimony in such an underhanded and possibly illegal way, totally without authorization, is a disgrace. The American people have no right to see the full testimony that we were selectively trying to leak.”
Jan 9, 2018
“We are fighting for our farmers, for our country, and for our GREAT AMERICAN FLAG. We want our flag respected - and we want our NATIONAL ANTHEM respected also! I can mouth many, many words of the NATIONAL ANTHEM! Honestly, I prefer to say whatever goes to my head.”
Jan 8, 2018
Sitting in the Lapse of Memory, Desperate to Reagan the Narrative...
“I’ve had to put up with the Fake News from the first day I announced that I would be running for President. Now I have to put up with a Fake Book, written by a totally discredited author. Ronald Reagan had the same problem and handled it well. So will I! Reagan had Alzheimer’s and they hid it. Even if I had dementia, i’m so impulsive and incompetent that you couldn’t tell.”
Jan 7, 2018
Lemon Verbatim is Libel to Be a Very Stable Genius...
“The libel laws are very weak in this country. If they were strong, you’d –it’d be very helpful. You wouldn’t have things like that happen, where you could say whatever comes to your head.”
Lemon Verbatim Cries Wolff...
“Michael Wolff is a total loser who made up stories in order to sell this really boring and untruthful book. He used Sloppy Steve Bannon, who cried when he got fired and begged for his job. Now Sloppy Steve has been dumped like a dog by almost everyone. Too bad!”
Jan 5, 2018
Access Hollywood—It’s like a magnet. Just kiss. I don’t even wait...
“I authorized Zero access to White House (actually I wouldn’t recognize him if he were sitting in the same room) for author of phony book! (At Mar-a-Lago, I didn’t recognize a lot of old friends). Full of lies, misrepresentations and sources that don’t exist like Sloppy Steve. Look at this guy’s past and watch what happens to him and Sloppy Steve! I wouldn’t recognize Sloppy Steve if I still had him leaking on the National Security Council.”
Jan 4, 2018
“With all of the failed ‘experts’ weighing in, does anybody really believe that talks and dialogue would be going on between North and South Korea right now if I wasn’t firm, peevish and willing to commit total ‘juvenile taunts’ with our nuclear weapons against the North. Fools, but talks are a good thing! I will bring peace to all the countries of the world when they find common cause against the US.”
Jan 3, 2018
Loose Bannon – Lemon Verbatim Keeps Firing Off...
“Steve Bannon has nothing to do with me or my Presidency. When he was fired, he not only lost his job, he lost his mind.”
Jan. 2, 2018
Lemon Verbatim Back with a Twitter Bomb Cyclone – Button the Bright Side...
“North Korean Leader Kim Jong Un just stated that the “Nuclear Button is on his desk at all times.” Will someone from his depleted and food starved regime please inform him that I too have a Nuclear Button, but it is a much bigger & more powerful one than his, and my Button works!”
Jan. 1, 2018
Lemon Verbatim on Just His Department...
“I have the absolute right to do what I want to do with the Justice Department”