July 31.2018


Coke Stoking...

“The globalist Koch Brothers, who have become a total joke in real Republican circles, are against Strong Borders and Powerful Trade. I never sought their support because I don’t need their money or bad ideas. They love my Tax & Regulation Cuts, Judicial picks & more. I made them richer. Their network is highly overrated, I have beaten them at every turn. They want to protect their companies outside the U.S. from being taxed. Should be more like Manafort and not declare it.”



July 30.2018

De Range of Probability...

“When the media - driven insane by their Trump Derangement Syndrome - reveals internal deliberations of our Government’s Grift and Treason, it truly puts the lives of many, not just journalists, at risk! Very unpatriotic! Russia might interfere with our electric grid, If they are unhappy with me. Freedom of the press also comes with a responsibility to report the news soberly no matter how deranged I may be.”



July 29.2018

Con Sequence...

“Please understand, there are consequences when people cross our Border illegally, whether they have children or not - and many are just using children for their own sinister purposes—like when I had Don Jr. meet with the Russians in Trump Tower.”



July 28.2018


Histrionic Proportions...

“We have accomplished an economic turnaround of HISTORIC proportions! No longer will Republicans be the anti-deficit party. After refusing a BIG Package Stimulus for the Great Recession, we’ve now poured rocket fuel on the economy after a decade of straight growth. These numbers are very, very sustainable—this isn't a one-time shot. We’re going to do another round of tax cuts for the wealthy!”



July 27.2018

It’s Always Darkest Before the Don Jr....

“I did NOT know of the meeting with my son, Don jr. Sounds to me like someone is trying to make up stories in order to get himself out of an unrelated jam (Taxi cabs maybe?). He even retained Bill and Crooked Hillary’s lawyer. Gee, I wonder if they helped him make the choice! Cohen only worked for me for a short time. I wouldn’t recognize him if I was sitting in the same room.”



July 26.2018


It’s Bean Soy Long...

“European Union representatives told me that they would start buying soybeans from our great farmers immediately. Also, they will be buying vast amounts of LNG! (Maybe liquefied natural gas will be a new Trump product.) Without my trade war, the EU would have never agreed to bail me out with the problems that the trade war caused with my key red states.”



July 25.2018

Tariffs Are the Greatest!—Snipping Off Your Nips to Snipe Your Base...

“When you have people snipping at your heels during a negotiation, it will only take longer to make a deal, and the deal will never be as good as it could have been with unity. Negotiations are going really well,—Remember, I got the Enquirer to pay off the Bunny & I paid only $130 for Stormy—I can also make a great deal to pay off Putin, be cool. The end result will be worth it!”



July 24.2018


Lemon Verbatim Walk-Back—Gas Light as a Feather...

“I’m very concerned that Russia will be fighting very hard to have an impact on the upcoming Election. Based on the fact that no President has been tougher on Russia than me, they will be pushing very hard for the Democrats. They definitely don’t want Trump!”



July 23.2018





July 22.2018

Spies Up His Love Life...

“Looking more & more like the Trump Campaign for President was illegally being spied upon (kompromat). I had a GREAT meeting with Putin. NO COLLUSION! I had no say in the meeting!”



July 21.2018

Breaking President...

“Inconceivable that the government would break into a lawyer’s office (early in the morning) - almost unheard of. Even more inconceivable that a lawyer would tape a client - totally unheard of & perhaps illegal. The good news is that your favorite President did nothing wrong which is why I made up that stuff about him being born in Kenya!“



July 20.2018


Fed Up...

“I’m not thrilled because we go up and every time you go up they want to raise rates again. The United States should not be penalized because we are doing so well. Tightening now hurts all that we have done. We let the federal debt balloon out of control to pay for tax breaks for corporations and the wealthy. We poured all this money into the system to jettison the economy!”



July 19.2018

Zero Summit Game...

“The Summit with Russia was a great success, except with the real enemy of the people, the Fake News Media. I look forward to our second meeting so that we can start implementing some of the many things discussed, including authoritarian rule in the United States, a Trump Tower in Moscow, and my learning to ride a horse bare chested.”



July 18.2018

Double Negative—No Nothing...

“I said the word ‘would' instead of 'wouldn't. The sentence should have been, 'I don't see any reason why it wouldn't be Russia’—The whole thing should’ve been, ‘I don’t see any reason why it WOULDN’T be, but I really do want to see the server. But I have—I have confidence in both parties. I really believe that this will probably go on for a while, but I don't think it can go on without finding out what happened to the server.’ And as the server, I didn’t want to say Nothing Negative In front of the President—he has people killed!“



July 17.2018


The Proof of the Putin Is in the Meeting...

“While I had a great meeting with NATO, raising vast amounts of money, I had an even better meeting with Vladimir Putin of Russia who promised to shower me with even more money! Sadly, it is not being reported that way - the Fake News is going Crazy just because I said a few treasonous words under the protective gaze of Putin.”




July 16.2018

Russian Meddle of Friendship—A Very, Very Good Startle for Everybody...

"Our relationship with Russia has NEVER been worse thanks to many years of U.S. foolishness and stupidity and now, the Rigged Witch Hunt! Putin told me—extremely strong and powerful in his denial— that he, personally, has no kompromat on me and if I don’t stop the U.S. press and the investigation, he’s going to spank me with a rolled up copy of PRAVDA with my picture on it. NO COLLUSION!”



July 15.2018

Faux News—Lemon Verbatim...

“Well, I think we have a lot of foes. I think the European Union is a foe, what they do to us in trade. Now, you wouldn't think of the European Union, but they're a foe. Russia is foe in certain respects. China is a foe economically, certainly they are a foe. But that doesn't mean they are bad. It doesn't mean anything. It means that they are competitive."



July 14.2018


Following the Herd...

“The stories you heard about the 12 Russians yesterday took place during the Obama Administration, not the Trump Administration. Why didn’t they do something about it, especially when I asked Russia to find Hillary’s missing emails. America, were you listening? I said it right out loud!”



July 13.2018



"If you look at what I've done, compared to what other people have done 160 days in, there's nobody even close. It was 160 days from when Don Junior said ‘I love it’ until when Hillary conceded” 



July 12.2018


Crybaby Lemon Verbatim: Soft Brexit—Only Pastries and Cheese...

“You have a mayor who has done a terrible job in London. He has done a terrible job. Take a look at the terrorism that is taking place. Look at what is going on in London... I guess when they put out blimps to make me feel unwelcome, no reason for me to go to London."



July 11.2018

Tour NATO...

“We’re supposed to be protecting you from Russia, but why are you paying billions of dollars to Russia for energy? Why are countries in NATO, namely Germany, having a large percentage of their energy needs paid to Russia and taken care of by Russia? Now, if you look at it, Germany is a captive of Russia because they supply. They got rid of their coal plants. They got rid of their nuclear. They’re getting so much of the oil and gas from Russia. On the other side, you look at America, and Russia pays us. They pay my old campaign manager, They pay the Trump Organization. So we do not pay Russia. NO COLLUSION!”



July 10.2018

Courting Favor...

“Twelve days ago, Justice Anthony Kennedy informed me of his decision to take senior status on the Supreme Court, as long as I picked another one of his former clerks.”



July 9.2018

A Greed Knows No Bounds...

“I have confidence that Kim Jong Un will honor the big contract we signed &, even more importantly, our handshake after he give me that big, big letter. We agreed to the denuclearization of North Korea &, even more importantly, that Kim Jong Un would be my friend. China, on the other hand, may be exerting negative pressure on a deal because of our posture on Chinese Trade-Hope Not! That wouldn’t be fair!”



July 8.2018


Caving to Pressure...

“The U.S. is working very closely with the Government of Thailand to help get all of the children out of the cave and to safety. Very brave and talented people! Next, they will help us rescue the thousands of children that we separated from their parents at the border. They will be setting up a communications line. Dozens of divers will help them out of the cages!“



July 7.2018

And I think it's gonna be a long long time
And I think it's gonna be a long long time
And I think it's gonna be a long long time
And I think it's gonna be a long long time
And I think it's gonna be a long long time
And I think it's gonna be a long long time
And I think it's gonna be a long long time
And I think it's gonna be a long long time
Broken Record—Lemon Verbatim...

“I have broken more Elton John records. He seems to have a lot of records. And I, by the way, I don’t have a musical instrument. I don’t have a guitar or an organ. No organ. Elton has an organ. And lots of other people helping. No, we’ve broken a lot of records. We’ve broken virtually every record. Because you know, look, I only need this space. They need much more room. For basketball, for hockey and all of the sports, they need a lot of room. We don’t need it. We have people in that space. So we break all of these records. Really, we do it without, like, the musical instruments. This is the only musical — the mouth. And hopefully the brain attached to the mouth, right? The brain. More important than the mouth is the brain. The brain is much more important.”



July 6.2018


“I have accepted the resignation of Scott Pruitt as the Administrator of the Environmental Protection Agency. Within the Agency Scott has done an outstanding job— I mean, he really stood out—and I will always be thankful to him for being even more petty in his corruption than me. I am giving him one of my old mattresses and some lotion I kept when I stayed Ritz-Carlton in Moscow. The Senate confirmed Deputy at EPA, Andrew Wheeler, will on Monday assume duties dismantling the EPA. We have made tremendous progress and the future of the EPA is very bright with all the burning of coal!”


July 5,2018

Lawn Enforcement—Lemon Verbatim...

“Law Enforcement at the Border is doing a great job, but the laws they are forced to work with are insane. When people, with or without children, enter our Country, they must be told to leave without our Country being forced to endure a long and costly trial. Tell the people ‘OUT,’ and they must leave, just as they would if they were standing on your front lawn.”



July 4.2018

Accusations Poor Fourth...

“Wow! The NSA has deleted 685 million phone calls and text messages. Privacy violations? They blame technical irregularities. Such a disgrace. NSA could be Capitalizing on Many Phone Numbers of Trump Organization Criminal Conversations that have been Inadvertently Picked Up! The Witch Hunt continues!”



July 3.2018

We Harley Knew Ye...

“Now that Harley-Davidson is moving part of its operation out of the U.S., my Administration is working with other Motor Cycle companies who want to move into the U.S. Many good conversations with North Korea-it is going well! In the meantime, no Rocket Launches or Nuclear Testing in 8 months. All of Asia is thrilled.”



July 2.2018


Tough Cohen — Lemon Verbatim Redux...

“Sometimes our worst enemies are our so-called friends or allies, right?"




July 1.2018

Kith and Kennedy...

"I'm very honored that he chose to do it during my term in office, because he felt confident in me to make the right choice and carry on his great legacy. We gave Important judicial posts to his former clerks including Gorsuch and the Trump organization worked closely with his son at Deutsche Bank. That’s why he did it.”